<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>in my head by soudont</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26516746">in my head</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soudont/pseuds/soudont'>soudont</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Camp Camp (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Jealousy, M/M, a lil possessiveness but not extreme at all, dont pull a neil and drink ur damn water kids, lmao thats abt it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:48:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,013</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26516746</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soudont/pseuds/soudont</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He really, truly, loved holding his boyfriend.</p><p>Yeah, well, <em>apparently</em> so did <em>everyone else</em>.<br/>.</p><p>or; harrison is a cutie patootie that loves being affectionate with the people he trusts and neil is easily jealous.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harrison/Science Camp Neil (Camp Camp)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in my head</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In hindsight, Neil honestly should’ve seen this coming. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Going out with Harrison was a </span> <span class="s2"><em>ride</em>, </span><span class="s1">and for the most part Neil had let go of the steering wheel and enjoyed the way it just whipped him around. Control was there for him, but for once in his life, he felt like he didn’t </span> <span class="s2">need</span> <span class="s1"> it. It felt </span> <span class="s2">damn</span> <span class="s1"> good. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Harrison had a knack for pulling at Neil’s heart strings in whatever direction he wanted; If he wanted to tease, he tugged hard to annoy, and if he wanted to be nice, he pulled gently to soften. If Neil wanted, he could yank on the rope and Harrison would be pulled to </span> <span class="s2">him</span> <span class="s1"> instead. (Which, if he was honest, he did kind of a </span> <em><span class="s2">lot</span></em><span class="s1">. It was fun to fluster Harrison.)</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Harrison was very touch starved and Neil <em>did</em> enjoy the way Harrison would pout for his attention sometimes, just enough to get Neil to pull him closer and run his fingers through Harrison’s hair. Harrison would cling onto his shoulders, digging his fingernails in through his gloves. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He really did love holding Harrison. It wasn’t something he was exaggerating, either. He felt so small in comparison to Neil’s long limbs. Sometimes they would talk and other times Neil would just dig his nose into Harrison’s hair. (His shampoo smelt like peaches and it had become Neil’s favorite scent.) It also just helped Neil feel grounded, instead of that constant feeling like he was floating away from his body on earth. He really, truly, loved holding his boyfriend. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Yeah, well, </span> <em> <span class="s2">apparently</span> </em> <span class="s1"> so did </span> <em> <span class="s2">everyone else</span></em><span class="s1">. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neil knew very well that their friends that went to Camp Campbell were all very close. He, Max, and Nikki were evidence of that. He couldn’t count on his fingers how many times Nikki had snuck into his room to sleep in his bed with him, or how many times that he had been held by Max because of a previous anxiety attack.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">So, that probably (</span><em><span class="s2">definitely</span></em><span class="s1">) made him a hypocrite, but that didn’t stop his blood from boiling whenever he saw Harrison being affectionate with </span> <span class="s2">literally <em>anyone else</em></span><span class="s1">. And Harrison was affectionate with everyone in the group. </span> <span class="s2"><em>Everyone</em>. </span> <span class="s1">It drove Neil crazy on his </span> <em><span class="s2">best</span></em> <span class="s1"> days. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Neil really tried his best to not get so angry whenever someone held Harrison within his line of sight, but it wasn’t like he could really help it. He hadn’t really had a serious relationship before Harrison and seeing him being held by Preston, or Ered, or Nerris practically made steam burst out his ears. The worst ones were Max and Nikki, hands down. Neil loved his best friends, he </span><em><span class="s2">really</span></em><span class="s1"> did, but seeing his </span><span class="s2">best friends</span><span class="s1"> pull </span><span class="s2">his</span> <span class="s2">boyfriend</span><span class="s1"> close to them made him want to go feral. So far, the only person Neil didn’t mind so much was Space Kid and that was only because Harrison had mentioned feeling like he was the kid’s older brother once. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It probably didn’t help that Harrison was so <em>painfully</em> oblivious to Neil’s jealousy. He basked in the attention that he would get if he hugged Dolph from behind and rested his chin on his head or if he ran and jumped into Nurf’s (annoyingly) strong arms.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">(After that last one, Neil thought that he would get strong to do the same, but he did one pushup and gave up right after.)</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He knew at first it was just an annoyance, but the longer Neil watched his boyfriend be loving with someone that wasn’t him, the more upset he got. Neil tended to overthink and each time, he had to force himself to ignore that feeling that Harrison might prefer anyone over him. He knew (or at least he hoped to whatever higher power there was) that it wasn’t true, that Harrison still liked </span> <em><span class="s2">him</span></em><span class="s1">, but it always poked at the back of his head. It was really only a matter of time until his internalized insecurities got to him.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And it finally did.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Neil was already annoyed by the time he got to the Miller’s house. He was late, like </span> <em><span class="s2">really</span></em> <span class="s1"> late, and to make it worse his car had a flat tire. In his rush, he had to resort to asking his dad for a ride, which, of course, he agreed to. Unfortunately, Carl would not shut up about Sock-rates for the entirety of the car ride. Neil really didn’t pay enough attention to grasp the reason </span> <span class="s2"><em>why</em>,</span><span class="s1"> but it was damn annoying. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was about ten minutes late to the group hangout when he knocked on the front door. One of Ered’s dads let him in and offered him a glass of water, which was nice at least. He drummed his fingers on the countertop while Mr. Miller retrieved the glass. Once he was given his drink, he thanked the man and ducked out of the kitchen and made his way down the stairs to the basement.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He practically bolted down the stairs, nearly spilling his water in the process. He was breathing kind of heavy at the end (clearly he wasn’t a runner), but his at least some of his friends turned to see him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Took you long enough.” Max smirked at him lazily from his spot on the couch.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You try sitting in a car with Sock-rates next time and we’ll see how smug you are about me being late.” He grinned at his best friend anyway, too happy to see his friends to actually care about any teasing. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Neil quickly scanned the room. Nerris and Nikki seemed to be playing some race game hooked up to the television. Space Kid was kneeling close behind them, cheering enthusiastically. Nikki was kind of screeching at at the screen, clearly losing against Nerris’ skill at anything related to video games. Seriously, Neil tried </span> <span class="s2">once</span> <span class="s1"> and then never touched another controller when she was in the room again. He so foolishly considered himself to be above average at gaming the last time and Nerris absolutely </span> <em><span class="s2">destroyed</span></em> <span class="s1"> him. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Max was idly watching from the couch, half amused but also looking like he wanted to just tell Nikki to quit trying. Every so often the boy would roll his eyes and smile fondly when he didn’t think anyone was watching. Dolph was sitting against the armrest on the other side, knees up and with a sketchbook in his lap. Neil couldn’t really see exactly what he was drawing since he was behind him, but whenever he shifted he could see a shape that looked like Max’s smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">On the other side of the room, Ered and Nurf seemed to be chatting at a little table near the Miller’s little bar. Neil realized that it wasn’t really chatting, but rather some sort of betting only a second after, when both of them raised their right hands and grasped ahold of the other’s. Neil knew that Nurf would probably win in the end (he </span> <span class="s2">was</span> <span class="s1"> a football player, after all), but Ered seemed to be holding her ground pretty well so far. Honestly, he was just confused as to why anyone would challenge </span> <span class="s2">Nurf</span> <span class="s1"> to an arm wrestle. (If </span> <em><span class="s2">he</span></em> <span class="s1"> ever did, his arm would be broken by now.)</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And sitting in the recliner near the couch was his lovely boyfriend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">On Preston’s lap. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neil wanted to smash the glass in his hand almost right away. His fingers tightened around it like he was going to, knuckles whitening drastically. He felt his eye twitch and his jaw clench, hands beginning to shake. He sucked in a breath through his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut to calm himself down, mentally counting to ten in his head. When he opened them, Space Kid was right in front of him and he nearly yelped, flinching so bad that his entire body jerked backwards and he nearly fell.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry, Neil!” Space Kid giggled, smiling innocently up at him. “Did you space out for a second there?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“.. I guess I did.” Neil tore his gaze away from Harrison, his </span> <span class="s2"><em>boyfriend</em>, </span><span class="s1">sitting on <em>Preston’s</em> (of all people) lap and focused his attention onto Neil Jr. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly with his free hand. “Sorry.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s okay!” Space Kid beamed up at him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neil would never admit it, but Space Kid was such a sweetheart that if anything happened to him, he’d commit genocide without hesitation. He gave Neil the same comfort that Harrison did, just a little less intense and a little more platonic. He’d never tell Neil Jr. that though, because he didn’t like Space Kid knowing that he liked him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How have you been?” The younger boy asked, rocking back and forth. He clasped his hands behind his back. Neil forced himself to not look at Harrison.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“.. I’ve been better.” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, no, that’s no good. Is there anything I can do to help?” Neil Jr. asked, cocking his head to the side. Neil wanted to hug him, but he didn’t want to deal with the guilt of being a hypocrite that day. He still had every<em> other </em>time to feel guilty for.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, that’s okay, Neil.” Neil unconsciously let his focus shift back to the recliner. “But, thank yo..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neil let himself trail off, eyes going wide. The world drowned out around him, like it was silently crumbling to pieces and all his senses were going numb. A harsh burning feeling of fury scorched across his chest as he sucked in one large, shaky breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Harrison’s lips left Preston’s cheek and he giggled, tucking his head into the crook of his neck.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“... eil? <em>Neil!</em> Neil, are you listening?” Space Kid snapped his fingers in front of his face and Neil was forced back into reality. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“.. What?” His tone was icy on accident. Neil Jr. flinched, but the guilt was blocked off by the pure anger and need to just </span> <em><span class="s2">leave</span></em> <span class="s1"> that was flooding into Neil’s head.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you okay, Neil?” Space Kid’s eyebrows slanted and Neil gulped. It was then that he noticed everyone’s gazes were starting to fixate onto them. The desire to leave was beginning to become overwhelming. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“.. I need something to drink.” He muttered.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">With that, Neil slammed his glass of water onto the nearest flat surface, took one last glance at Harrison (who was now </span> <em> <span class="s2">also</span> </em> <span class="s1"> looking at him), and bolted up the stairs.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He reached the top and rushed away from the door to the basement, ending up near the front entrance of the house. He threaded his fingers into his hair, tugging harshly and scoffing to himself.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Harrison fucking </span> <em><span class="s2">kissed</span></em> <span class="s1"> Preston. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neil felt like his steering wheel was jammed. He couldn’t control anything anymore. The ride that was Harrison was spiraling down into a canyon and all be could do was sit there and watch as his car crumbled. He knew that he fell in too deep and there was no getting back up either. Harrison twisted up his heartstrings and Neil had no way of untangling them.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">His chest felt tight and he honestly wanted to cry. He was so </span> <em><span class="s2">frustrated</span></em><span class="s1">, so tired of helplessly watching something he couldn’t control at all, something that would eventually break him. He couldn’t tell Harrison not to be affectionate with their friends, that’s too much control and Harrison would be </span> <span class="s2"><em>unhappy</em>.</span><span class="s1"> Neil’s chest started shaking and he bit down hard on his lip to keep from crying.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was at a crossroad with a dead end on either side.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He heard the floor creak behind him and he flipped around, hastily wiping at his eyes. Standing near the entrance to the hall was the person Neil wanted to see the least but also simultaneously the most: Harrison. </span> <span class="s2"><em>Of course</em>.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“.. Hey.” He waved awkwardly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">Way to be smooth, Neil.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know,” Harrison leaned casually against the wall, “Putting a full glass of water down doesn’t really convince people that you need a drink.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neil grimaced, trying to think of a lie on the spot. He opened his mouth to say something and Harrison merely raised his eyebrows. He snapped his jaw shut again, fists clenching at his sides. Only a few moments later, he slumped, sighing in defeat.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Guilty.” He said. Harrison’s frown deepened.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neil..” Harrison pushed himself off the wall and walked closer, reaching out to gently hold Neil’s hand. “What’s going on? Is there something wrong?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neil squeezed Harrison’s hand, reaching for the other one too. Their fingers interlocked and he felt his chest loosen, already feeling more relaxed knowing that Harrison was caring for him. His eyebrows slanted for a second and he suddenly felt guilty again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a complete lie, Neil knew, and he knew Harrison knew, too. He furrowed his eyebrows and stepped closer again, tugging at Neil’s arms. Neil hated the way that his heart soared at the attention.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Neil</em>.” Harrison deadpanned. “What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I told you, I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.” He assured, clearly not believing his own words. Harrison huffed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tell me what’s wrong before I kick your ass, Neil.” His threat had no venom to it as he swung their arms gently, and Neil felt like he was flying for a second. “I’m being serious.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m being serious, too.” Neil scoffed. “I’m okay. You can stop worrying about me and go back to cuddling Preston.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neil had never wanted to take back any words more than in that moment. He felt dread course through his veins and he squeezed Harrison’s hands even tighter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Harrison’s lips pursed, eyes furrowing as his face took on a thoughtful expression. Suddenly, his eyebrows shot up and that thoughtful look morphed into realization. He blinked three times.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“.. You’re jealous.” Harrison whispered, looking amazed. “You’re </span> <em> <span class="s2">jealous</span></em><span class="s1">, aren’t you?” He repeated himself louder. He looked like Neil had just hung the moon in front of him and suddenly he felt sick.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“.. Yes.” He mumbled. There was no point in denying, he reasoned to himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“I really, really am. I can’t fucking.. I don’t know. I can’t help it. It.. It makes me angry whenever I see you touching someone else and then I feel </span> <span class="s2">horrible</span> <span class="s1"> about it for days. The guilt fucking </span> <em> <span class="s2">kills</span> </em> <span class="s1"> me.</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“And you, like.. You </span> <em> <span class="s2">kissed</span> </em> <span class="s1"> him and I just saw it and I couldn’t fucking- My mind shut down. It shut down and I couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry.”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He knew that he had just rambled on and on and it was difficult to actually say how he was feeling half the time, but it felt so good to finally just </span> <span class="s2">tell</span> <span class="s1"> him. But, Harrison’s expression turned sadder and Neil recognized it as </span> <em><span class="s2">guilt</span></em><span class="s1">. Almost immediately, Neil wished he didn’t say anything.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, Neil..” Harrison whispered. He slipped both of his hands out of Neil’s grip and cupped his cheek with one. Neil leaned into his touch on instinct, sighing through his nose.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know that I love you, right..?” Harrison stepped closer, standing on his tip-toes to curl his fingers onto Neil’s nape. Neil in return held onto Harrison’s waist firmly, holding him close and letting his eyes slip shut.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He confirmed. Harrison wrapped his arms around Neil’s neck and rested his head against his chest. Neil laid his head onto Harrison’s, inhaling the peachy scent of his shampoo and feeling calmer by the second.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He must’ve been feeling pretty drowsy and out of it, because Neil didn’t even really remember saying anything, but he heard the next words come out of his mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re mine and mine alone, then?” He dug his nose into his boyfriend’s hair. He felt Harrison tense up in his arms for a second and then relax again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- Yeah.” Harrison mumbled into his chest. “Yes, just yours.. I love you..” Neil held him tighter and he felt Harrison push closer to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you, too.” He whispered. “</span>
  <em>
    <span class="s2">All mine</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s1">..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He said that into Harrison’s hair, barely registering his own words. His boyfriend stiffened again and Neil suddenly acknowledged what exactly he just told him. His eyes snapped open and he straightened his neck, causing Harrison to look up at him again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m being really possessive, aren’t I?” Neil grimaced. “Fuck, I’m really sorry.” He loosened his grip on Harrison’s waist, ready to pull away, but the other boy pushed closer.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s okay.” Harrison nuzzled his face into Neil’s chest some more. “I get it. As long as you don’t try and control me, it’s fine.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wouldn’t.” Neil pursed his lips, almost like he was pouting.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Harrison pulled his head away and looked up, then stood on his tip-toes again and brought his lips to Neil’s. Neil let his eyes slip shut again, pressing into the sweetness that was Harrison’s kiss. His arms wrapped completely around his boyfriend’s middle, barely holding him up. They moved together quietly for a few moments before Harrison dropped his heels and broke them apart.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neil felt Harrison’s hands dragging down to his biceps, fingers curling gently. It sort of tickled and Neil felt like his heart was going to explode. He loosened his own grip and rested his hands on his boyfriend’s hips. Harrison lifted one hand and smacked his arm, causing Neil to freeze and hiss through his teeth. He glared softly down at Harrison.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That was for not telling me sooner, you dummy.” Harrison pouted. Neil’s face softened and he chuckled.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay, bunny.” He mumbled. “I’ll tell you if I’m getting too jealous next time.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t call me that!” Harrison collapsed forward, whining loudly. “That’s so fucking embarrassing.” He hit his arm twice in a row. Neil snickered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, but you’re so <em>cute</em>, bunny. I’m, like, <em>legally obligated</em> to.” Neil squeezed Harrison’s hips and leaned forward to press a kiss against his forehead.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh my <em>god</em>, Neil! Stop it!” Harrison pushed him away and Neil feigned heartbreak. “Can we <em>please</em> just go back down now? I can’t handle your dumb teasing.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neil laughed again, stepping closer and grabbing Harrison’s hand again. Once their fingers were interlocked, he started to move down the hall towards the basement.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Whatever you want..” Neil said. “.. </span> <em><span class="s2">Bunny.</span></em><span class="s1">”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span><span class="s2"><em>Neil</em>,</span><span class="s1"> oh my god! You are </span> <em><span class="s2">such</span></em> <span class="s1"> an asshole!”</span></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>and then harri and neil cuddle on the couch and neil kisses harrison’s neck like a cute bf uwu</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>